Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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