Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
