dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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