What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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