Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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