I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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