party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
