Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
