Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
