yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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