She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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