Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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