My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
