a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
