I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
