i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
