we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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