I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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