It's like God shit irony all over that family
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
