I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
