She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
