I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
