what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
