So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
