This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
