There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
