You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
