Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
