If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
