How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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