I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
