M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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