I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
