I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
