This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
