My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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