I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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