And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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