There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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