You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
