Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
