addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
