Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
