I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
