Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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