you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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