Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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