I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
