Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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