Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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