Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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