I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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