Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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