bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
