I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
