My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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