I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
