textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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