I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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