Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
